That One Time I was on "Cheaters"

…. And by on it… I mean in the background. Like next table over. It went a little something like this.

After hosting the cross country meet yesterday, I was gonna go work out. Then it turned freezing outside and I couldn’t feel my hands, and all the coaches decided to go get dinner instead.

We walk into this small tavern called The Back Porch.. we haven’t been there since we hosted a cross country meet last January. I make friends with the manager and he tells us, “You came on a good night…. The show “Cheaters” is going to be here in an hour.” After telling him he was lying, and he said he was as serious as a heart attack… we started judging every single person that walked in the door.

Is that him? Is that her? Oooo he looks sketchy.

Then these two people walk in and sit directly beside us.

 Sidenote: Here’s the thing about teachers. We are excellent eavesdroppers. We thrive on getting information by listening in on conversations around our room.

So we “overhear” them say something about fake drinks… and we clue in. Oh my gosh… it’s them!

 I tweeted: They’re here!! The couple is here!! The eagle has landed!! The bun is in the oven!! #codewords

Then another guy with a ponytail and band aids on his face came in and sat with the couple. He looked nervous and the three of them started talking and the girl was reapplying make up. We had it all figured out….. until…..

Another sketchy couple came in and sat at the table behind us!! The manager comes over and discreetly points at them. “That’s them!” he said… and I demanded, very quietly, who were the people beside us then? He said actors and the guy in the denim shirt was a producer. We continued to listen in and judge.. and the producer was talking to both people and we were just waiting… and waiting.. and waiting.

And finally, when all of the cameras burst in with their bright lights and an angry red head….. they went to the original couple we thought it was!!! The music stopped, the cooks were out with their phones, and I was laughing hysterically. It was the most staged, fake acting I’ve ever seen… but it was a phenomenal experience.

The manager told me later that he tried to throw us off because we were figuring too many things out. Turns out the second sketchy couple was another pair of producers. Can’t fool us teachers… students try and fool us errr’day and we a’int got time for that!

Moral of the story: 

• If you have the opportunity to be in the background of Cheaters, do it.
• And never trust a guy with a ponytail and band aids on his face.