Wednesday, February 4, 2015

5 Facts about Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling. I feel like some people look at me weird when I say, "We have marriage counseling tonight!"  We do not have three heads and 12 toes just because we are choosing to do marriage counseling prior to getting married. Here are 5 facts I've learned about marriage counseling so far.
1. It does not mean we are having problems. We are trying to circumvent problems. One thing I love about Duck Dude is the fact that he is very realistic. We are not naive enough to think life is always going to perfect! Pre-marriage counseling is learning about each other... we are learning how he other fights, how each other loves, and how each other communicates, so that when we come to a cross road of disagreement, we can respond appropriately. 
2. We are not made for each other. We talked last night about our inherent differences as a man and a woman. However, if we are aware of those differences and can appreciate them for what they are rather than resenting Duck Dude for always not listening (just kidding honey), then we can live a happier life! I've read "make it work" in our book about 10 times and I'm not gonna lie, I think of Tim Gunn from Project Runway every time, but even though Duck Dude doesn't like to eat Chinese food as much as I do, I am going to make it work.

3. You must be open to learning. Learning to not say things like "Duck Dude never listens" because that's a blanket generalization. Learning to not use phrases that begin with "You".. because you is a highly judgmental word that puts people on the defense. Listen to the difference between "You are never on time anywhere!" and "I start to feel really anxious when I am late somewhere because it's a courtesy I was brought up to respect." Can you tell a difference just reading them? Then try reading them aloud with inflections you'd probably put on them. Huge difference, huh?

4. Apply what you're learning. How many times as a coach do I say this? It's not going to do  you any good if you don't apply what we're doing in practice to the game! Same goes for all this counseling stuff! If I don't put into practice the things I'm learning about Duck Dude, then there's no point to going to counseling! 

5. Use forgiveness freely. We love our pre-marriage counselor and this is one of those sayings I keep hearing him repeat, "And Mollie, you'll give Travis grace when he forgets and uses a "you" statement, won't you?" Which is a very lovely way of saying "there is an absolute learning curve in marriage!!" Either way, my answer? Of course I will... but I'm not sure if I would have known to do that if I would not have heard it before we were married.

I'm not saying do marriage counseling or your marriage will fail, but I think it's important to discuss the difficult things prior to throwing yourself into the first year of marriage. Ain't no shame in our marriage counseling. I've never lived with a boy before... it is going to be an adjustment, but we are determined to make it a good adjustment!

Countdown to Trollie Wedding:
31 Days

1 comment:

  1. You brought up a lot of good points about how counseling can benefit couples even before they're married. I didn't go to any counseling sessions before getting married, but I wish I had! There's a lot of good that can come from a couple learning how to communicate and really listen to each other.