You've Got to Go

I was gonna post a recipe today... but yesterday I spent a lovely hour on the phone with Bank of America, and during that time I was scrolling through my contacts. It was at that time, I saw one of those contacts.... a wayyy back ex and I thought "Why in the heck do I even still have him as a contact?" And that sparked a thought... how many of these other contacts are still in my phone? 
So today, I bring you a list of those contacts.... I'm only changing one of their names because, well, what's the fun in completely changing it? 
Eric Barrow - I'm sorry random Baylor guy I met out in Dallas one night, we were never meant to be. You've got to go. 
Brent Anthony - The AIM message you left me when I was leaving for college was, um, sweet? I'm sorry that "being a pro tennis player" hasn't worked out for you. You've got to go. 
Bryan Waters - Dear old back door neighbor, we were never a thing, no matter how hard you tried. You've got to go. 
Chance Cooley - Thanks for all the free shows you allowed me to come to even though my "band groupie" status was extremely short lived. You've got to go. P.S. your band sucks
Hank Leviton - Hey old man. I'm sorry I stopped responding to your 10 test messages, 2 phone calls, and 1 email a day you sent me. I actually do not want to play volleyball with y'all. You've got to go. 
Houston Dallas - Thanks for waiting until the 2nd time you were my personal trainer to hit on me. I'm not sure how you resisted the first time. I will never delete that mirror selfie you sent me. You've got to go. 
John Ellis - I had a lot of fun at that one Rangers Game. I've never sat in such an entertaining section.. but I really just gave you my number because I did not know how to say no. You've got to go.  
Nate Thompson - First off, thanks for being the inspiration for this post. Secondly, I'm really sorry that I laughed when you professed your love to me and I'm really sorry that I left you crying (this was high school). However, the two kids you have now tell me I made a good decision. You've got to go. 
Willie Patton - That blind date was something else. It was the longest Rangers game I've ever been to. I wish my friend would have told me about your lisp before hand. Good luck in all your baseball endeavors, but you've got to go. 
This is wedding-ish Wednesday, right? Everyone's got exs.... now I just need to burn a CD titled "God blessed the broken road" and give it to Duck Dude. 
Good thing I already have one that "Nate Thompson" gave me.